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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24785794">Coming Home</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daryl_Alenko/pseuds/Daryl_Alenko'>Daryl_Alenko</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>A Few F-Bombs, M/M, Michael and Alex Need To Get It Together, POV Multiple, That Song Gave Me Sooooo Many Feels, what should have happened</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 11:42:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,236</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24785794</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daryl_Alenko/pseuds/Daryl_Alenko</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>How the finale -should- have ended, as far as Michael and Alex go. Short little one-shot.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Michael Guerin/Alex Manes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>101</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Coming Home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I'm sure there will be a lot of fic like this, but here's my two cents.</p>
<p>And like a lot of people out there, I'm sure, I immediately went and got that song.</p>
<p>It. </p>
<p>Is.</p>
<p>BEAUTIFUL!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/>
<p>It took so much courage to do this. To draw himself up to this keyboard and lay his heart bare and broken for everyone to see. Sure, he doesn't use any pronouns. Doesn't go so far as to label this a song for the man he's in love with, but it still takes courage to sing this. To put to music the pain inflicted on him by his Dad. </p>
<p>And the pain he feels every day that he's in love with Michael Guerin. </p>
<p>It's that particular pain that he's not sure he actually -wants- to exorcise. Because as long as he has that pain, then he knows what he's feeling. Knows where he stands with the other man. That doesn't make it better, but it makes it .. something. Something he doesn't even have words for. </p>
<p>As the words flow in pain drenched cadence, he isn't expecting the very same man to walk in. Isn't expecting to chance a glance to the side and see Michael standing there. His heart does this complicated trip and double beat, his lip throbbing in time to the beat of the music. Seriously, it feels as if this song has taken over every aspect of his being. </p>
<p>Were he not so disheartened, he'd call this entire experience spiritual. Maybe, one day, he will hold the truths of his Mother's people close to heart, again. Maybe. But right now, there is only music and lyric, pain and the hope of healing. God, please let him heal!</p>
<p>As the song comes to a close, he chances a glance to the side again.</p>
<p>Gone. Why is he always gone? Even as the place erupts into applause, cheers and general happiness for all the pain and anquish he just expressed, he realizes that Michael is gone. Every time he turns around, they are running from each other. But why is it .. that every time they turn away and run .. they end up right back where they started? Is that Fate ... destiny? Something -cosmic-? Or .. just chance playing pretend? </p>
<p>He finds himself standing, bolstered by the applause of people that don't mean a damn thing to him, but that somehow make him feel free. For the first time, he feels -free- to express his own truth and embrace it. Maybe that's why he does it.</p>
<p>Maybe that's why he walks over to Forrest and in a need to finally be free, grabs him and kisses him. It's beautiful. An expression of general defiance he hasn't felt the ability to show since he was a teenager. Is it because his Dad is finally dead? Or maybe because his brother stood up for him? Accepts him?? Or maybe he's finally learning to accept himself. Whatever it is, it leads to this kiss. </p>
<p>And it is beautiful, but it's not more than it is. An expression of something that was a long time coming, but nothing more. It's not deep or profound, but it -is- a new chapter. And if it wasn't for this interesting, confident man, he wouldn't have the ability to do what he needs to do next.</p>
<p>"Thanks." It's the only word he has the confidence to utter. The only truth he has left for such a public place, even if this is technically a private moment. He lets his hands fall to Forrest's shoulders before letting go. He spares his brother a single, simple smile before he turns and practically runs from the bar.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Some part of him knows that Is was right .. that he should've stayed. Shouldn't have left. But he -believes- what he told her. As much as he loves Alex, their story is one of pain. </p>
<p>So.</p>
<p>Much.</p>
<p>PAIN! </p>
<p>Is he really supposed to just embrace that? Supposed to just run headlong into the most painful, beautiful thing he's ever experienced? Since when does he run -toward- the things that hurt him? Well ... Alex has always been the exception, hasn't he? He's spent his entire life protesting that he doesn't need a damn thing, but that never rang true. Especially not with Alex. As much as he wants to hate everything labeled Manes, he's never been able to hate Alex. Even when the elder Manes brought a hammer down on a young man's hand, he hadn't been able to hold it against Alex. Because his boy was too brilliant, beautiful, and amazing to be at fault. </p>
<p>He kicks the door of his camper, grunting with the exertion of it. He knows that he shouldn't be here. Even if he hadn't stayed with Is, he shouldn't have come back here. Alone. Because all the can remember is that night. </p>
<p>The night Maria got everything she ever wanted, while he and Alex were left even more broken than before. He doesn't hold it against her, but he also knows it was -not- one of the best decisions any of them had ever made. And right now, with the notes and lyrics of that damn song echoing in his head, the last thing he needs is to relive that situation. </p>
<p>But still, he wrenches the door open and heads inside. Throws his cowboy hat onto the bed and just .. stands there. Stares. Not -at- anything, so much as through -everything-. His mind is a battlefield of memories ..</p>
<p>How it felt to hold Alex close with Maria between them.</p>
<p>How it felt seeing Alex alive when he was so fucking sure that he was dead by the hands of his brother. </p>
<p>The feeling of unimaginable -fear- when Alex was standing off against his Dad with the Manes bomb RIGHT THERE. All he could think .. was that Jesse Manes would finally succeed in killing his son. Would finally manage to remove the brightest spot in Michael's life, once and for all. And as beautiful as he always is, Alex probably wouldn't even hold it against him. He wasn't lying when he told Jesse that Alex was better than them. Compared to him .. they are both monsters. </p>
<p>He grunts, holds back the desire to kick out at something. He's angry. Beyond means. And he's not even entirely sure -why-. Because Forrest had been there watching Alex perform? Because Maria came to the rightful decision that they should take some time?? Maybe it really is just because Max is the 'chosen one' and he's just another throw away. </p>
<p>"... I want to make a joke about blowing things up with your mind ... but that's not really a joke anymore, is it?" Alex's voice breaks into and over everything, causing him to jerk and jump. He spins around, feeling defenseless and broken open, wanting to blame him but he knows he can't. Not fully. Everything that is happening, even between them, is so far out of their hands these days. They stumbled into the ultimate conspiracy and have little choice but to fight their way through to the bitter end.</p>
<p>He's a little afraid it will be the end of them. After all these years ... an ending would make sense, wouldn't?</p>
<p>"Call me crazy, but I didn't really want to stick around for the after show, Manes." His voice is miraculously steady, devoid of the usual tremble that Alex's presence causes. He turns slowly back around, staring off into the distance rather than concentrate on any one thing. Again, too many memories, none of which he wants to relive at this moment.</p>
<p>"The after show might've been different if you hadn't left, Guerin." There's an accusation there, but it's tired and almost hollow. More a reflex than anything Alex seems to actually want to say. That's new. An unusual step in this odd little dance of theirs.</p>
<p>"Forrest was there .. I wasn't gonna .. interfere." He has to force the last word past jaws suddenly, fully clenched. He had thought, in that moment, that it was okay. He had moved on to Maria, no matter what he felt for Alex, so Alex had the right to move on too ... didn't he?? But the thought of Alex and Forrest .. it eats at him. Pits his stomach and leaves the back of his throat coated in bile. </p>
<p>"Yeah, well, you left before you heard the ending, Guerin." He wonders if Alex thinks he owes him. Maybe he does, if only because of the night with Maria. He still can't believe any of them were foolish enough to let that happen. What friendship, relationship, -ANY- ship, could withstand a thing like that!? </p>
<p>"I don't really have time to listen to it, Manes." He turns again, fully intending to throw the other man out, but he doesn't get the chance. Because Alex is suddenly just .. -right there-. Face to face. He can feel every whisper of breath between them, and it does things to him. </p>
<p>What it's always done to him.</p>
<p>It burns and pricks his skin, awakens every pore and folicle. He jerks on instinct. He doesn't want to pull away, but everything in him is saying Flight. It almost never says fight with Alex. Things are too complicated to fight. As he moves back, Alex advances, looking every bit the predator, every bit the capable warrior/soldier that he is. And Michael .. well, he feels lost. He's always lost when it comes to Alex Manes, the man who's every breath has the power to undo him in so many ways.</p>
<p>When his back connects with the wall, he gasps in surprise. Alex is standing close enough that he can feel his body heat without actually touching and for a moment, Michael forgets what it is to breathe. To move. To EXIST. All he can think .. is Alex.</p>
<p>"Make the time, Michael. Just .. make the time." Some part of him says to disregard, because it sounds too much like an order. It gets his hackles up and makes him feel even more backed into a corner. But .. it's Alex. How can he ignore an order from Alex?</p>
<p>"... fine. Just .. get it over with." Not the most encouraging words, but he's had a long ... life. And right now, he just really doesn't want to do anything but curl up somewhere and forget for a little while. Maybe drink himself into a nail-polish remover coma. </p>
<p>He doesn't realize he's closed his eyes until he feels Alex nuzzle ever so gently against his cheek.</p>
<p>"All eyes on me, Guerin." Again, it's an order and he's itching to disobey, but his eyes pop open of their own accord. He looks Alex right in the eyes when he moves back enough to stop being a blurred vision of something Michael's pretty sure he'll never actually deserve.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>"<i>Would you meet me in the middle<br/>Could we both stop keeping score<br/>There's a battle I must fight alone<br/>It's you I’m fighting for<br/>If I call off the battalion<br/>Break my walls down stone by stone<br/>Tear down my defenses<br/>I can build your heart a home<br/>And if I did ....<br/>Would you come home?</i></p>
  <p><i>Wish I found the words when were were seventeen ...</i>"</p>
</div>Some of it Michael had heard, had barely been able to process before he went running from the bar. But this .. part of this is new. Seventeen ... when it all changed. Alex ran off to make his Father proud, knowing it would never work, but giving everything of himself anyway. At seventeen, Michael lost his heart and didn't know what the fuck he was supposed to do about it, -without- it.<div class="center">
  <p>"<i>You were the best of me ... you are the best of me ...</i>" </p>
</div>Those final words rip the breath right out of him. His legs give way, his heart does some complicated, biologically inprobable beat skip thing that would have him terrified for his personal health at any other moment. Instead, he's just trying his damnedest not to faint.<p>Those words conjure a plethora of responses in him. He wants to beat Alex around the heart and scream at him that it's not fair. Why does -he- get to express every thing between them like this when Michael can't call forth the words to save his life? Like, literally. If Jesse Manes had a gun to his head at this very moment and told him that he would let him and Alex walk away -happy- if he could just explain everything to him .. they'd never get their happy ending. Because he just doesn't know what to say.</p>
<p>But Alex .. as per usual, Alex just .. gets it. Knows what to say, what to do, to keep Michael coming back. Despite the rift of pain that lay between them like an abyss, Alex calls him back every time. </p>
<p>He also kind of wants to wrap his hands in Alex's shirt and never let go. Pull the man to him until they meld or something as graphic and emotionally disturbed. </p>
<p>Instead, he reaches up with a trembling hand, lays his unwrapped palm across Alex's cheek. Runs his thumb across his bottom lip, mapping something he has already memorized for all that he's worth. </p>
<p>"It's time we finally heal, Michael." Before he can say or do anything, before he can agree or argue, Alex is kissing him. There's the faint remnants of blood from his busted lip, but it's perfect. It's them. It's .. acceptance and healing and the faintest glimpse of a possible future together. </p>
<p>In the end, that's all that matters. He knows, okay? He -knows- that they will always find their way back to THEM. That's all that matters. </p>
<p>
  <b>Fin.</b>
</p>
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